Comparisons

I've written probably six posts in my head, but I have a hard time coming in and actually putting them into written word. There are a few traps that I fall into. One is the whole 'I'm busy! So busy! I'm running around like the infamous headless chicken.' Which is true. But, the other trap is that I have a hard time trying to nail my thoughts down in some way that makes sense. The writing flows so smoothly in my head but when it's time to type it up, it just doesn't come out right. Anyway.

I have three brothers in total, all younger than me. One is only nineteen months younger, he's #2. One is nearly four full years younger, and he's #3. Number four is much younger, at almost thirteen years behind me. When it was just #2, #3 and myself, #2 and I used to get very frustrated with #3 because he seemed so different than us. My mother would tell us that we were both 'above average' while #3 was just 'normal' ... but that's okay. Now that I look back on that as an adult, I feel like pointing out the fact he was 'normal' while we were 'above' implies that it wasn't okay.

As the time passes I feel pretty confident that our daughter is gifted. It's not just her abilities that are easily measured, like knowing the alphabet, and some phonics, shapes, colors and so forth. It's also her maturity, her sense of humor, the way she interacts - really, everything about her. She seems so much older than she is, and sometimes I forget that she is still such a baby (almost 22 months). And now we are expecting a second child in late April of next year. I am afraid of being unable to resist the temptation to compare them. With our daughter being so phenomenal, will I be awed by our second child as well? What if they are 'just average'? I feel guilty just thinking that phrase, because it feels like I'm being my mother all over again. I'm implying that there is something wrong with average. I guess it's related to the fear I had before we had our first. I truly was afraid that perhaps I would be unable to relate if I had an 'average' child. So much guilt. I feel like I'm some failure of a parent because I wouldn't be the type to just blindly say my child is perfect no matter what. I guess there are so many things in life that you can't know for sure until you live them, and this is one of those things.

Oh, and I did want to add to the credit of my brother (#3), I do think he is 'above average' now that we are both adults. I can see more about him that I didn't see as a child. But, our lives were chaotic and unfortunately, #2 and I bonded a lot closer (probably largely due to our close ages) than I really ever did with #3.  I happen to think all of my brothers are very intelligent in their own ways and they all have their own special capabilities. I hope that since I can see this with my brothers, that I won't have an issue seeing it with my children as well.