Long time, no post. Having a second child really takes it out of you, let me tell you that... Anyway, here are one of the things on my mind right now.
It's interesting how seemingly tiny events in your life can stick with you for entirely too long. Why are certain memories such triggers for strong emotions? I was only in public school for a relatively short period of time. I started in Kindergarten and got moved into the first grade. Then I was taken out in fourth grade. I went back for the majority of sixth grade due to life situations, and after that I didn't go anymore. There are two specific instances that made huge negative impressions on me as a child. These are two instances I have honestly come back to again and again over the years, wishing I could tell the teachers involved how I felt about the situation. I was on the Davidson forums and there was a thread and someone asked about times gifted children felt misunderstood. At the time I was reading it, these didn't come to mind, but now that I think about it, they are perfect examples of being misunderstood.
So, in an effort to try and let it go, I'm going to write some open letters to these teachers.
Dear Fourth Grade Homeroom Teacher,
I had been quite content in the elementary school. I was able to attend gifted and talented classes three times a week and it kept me from becoming too overwhelmingly bored. However, after switching to the "intermediate school" I was only able to take classes once per week, since I now had to be bussed over to the elementary school to do so. I remember sitting in your class one morning and I had finished whatever trite busywork you had given us and I politely raised my hand to ask for more to do. And, I won't lie, perhaps my memory is fooling me, but I remember that you snapped at me and told me to be quiet and put my head down until everybody else was down. I can remember fighting back the tears. Why was I being punished? Why was finishing my work early something wrong? It's not as if I started acting out, being noisy or being a distraction to others. I was behaving within the confines of the classroom rules, yet I was still being punished. Perhaps one reason this sticks out in my mind so much is that it had never happened to me. I had never once been punished in school before, and perhaps you didn't intend this to be 'punishment' but that's what it felt like to me. I am incredibly thankful that because of someone like you, who didn't try and understand and encourage a child like me, that my Mother decided to take me out of public school short thereafter. I hope that if you ever had the chance to teach a gifted child after that, that instead of squashing them and trying to fit them into a box that makes your life easier, you tried to do your best to encourage their minds.
-B
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Dear Sixth Grade Homeroom Teacher,
This was an incredibly difficult time in my life. You didn't know that and it really has no bearing on what happened. Every afternoon in homeroom we would have a period where we were supposed to read, and you would initial the number of pages we read. I have been a voracious reader since I was very small. By the time I was in sixth grade, I would read college text books just for fun. But, on the day in my memory, I happened to be reading the book 'Beauty' by Bill Wallace. It's only around a 3rd - 7th level and it was the third time I had read it (what can I say, I loved horse books). It only makes sense that I would be reading it very, very quickly. Even faster than my already speedy normal reading speed. However, when I gave you the page I recorded my numbers on, you flat out told me I didn't read that many pages and you wouldn't sign for it. You acted like you were disgusted with me because I was lying to you. I tried to insist I had read that many but you wouldn't listen to me. You didn't ask any questions. You didn't ask if I'd read the book before. All you did was assume the worst of me. I remember trying so hard to hold back my tears. I felt embarrassed, even though I had done nothing wrong. I'm not sure why you never seemed to like me, despite the fact I was never anything but perfectly behaved. I hope that in the future you stopped to think before you made a brash judgment about something a student did. I hope that you softened in time.
-B
Both of these instances probably seem pretty insignificant to most people. It's not as if every time I think of them I am stricken to tears. They just seemed to make some kind of long lasting impression on me about public school in particular. I KNOW that there are good teachers out there. I had a couple of teachers I really liked in public school. I have friends that are teachers and I know they care very much about their students. Unfortunately, I also know that public schools tend to force teachers to cater to the lowest common denominator and that children who skew on the other side of the curve tend to get left out of the equation. The teachers above, I feel, were at fault in these situations. They were disrespectful to me. How hard would it have been to throw me another sheet of busy work or to ask me a couple of questions about how I had managed to read so many pages? Instead, they followed the idea of 'I'm the teacher and I'm right, you're the student and you're wrong' (think about the bit from Matilda, if you've seen it.. I'm big, you're little, I'm right, you're wrong). It's so important to remember that even a small interaction with someone can make a lasting impression on their lives. These people have, all these years later, made me scared to send my children to a public school. Especially knowing that my daughter is my clone and will no doubt follow a very similar path as myself. I never want her to feel punished because she's intelligent and ahead of the curve. It's nothing that you should ever have to feel shame or embarrassment over, and yet so many children (especially females!) do.
