I haven't been in the best frame of mind for a while now. Logically, I can recognize that I'm depressed. I've been experiencing some of the worst depression I've felt in a long time. It's actually slightly better than it was a couple of weeks ago; but I still feel unhappy. On top of already feeling unhappy, I feel guilty for even feeling that way. I'm very much a supporter of the idea that 'all emotions are valid' but I can't help beating myself up a little bit. There is no reason for me to be depressed. I can only assume it was triggered by being exhausted, overworked and pregnant. But, now I'm not so overworked, and yet I'm still depressed. It's incredibly frustrating. I have no motivation; no excitement. I'm exhausted all the time. I've fought many bouts with depression in my life, but in the past I always had some trigger to blame it on. Now, I can only blame it on myself.
Admitting I have a problem doesn't seem to be doing me any good. I have zero desire to take any kind of medication for it, especially being pregnant. I just keep hoping that one day I'll wake up and feel good again. I have so many thoughts that make me sad and ashamed. Not to mention my brain needs a good thorough spring cleaning.
The munchkin, on the other hand, is just amazing. Her speech is on at least a three year old level (she'll be two three weeks). Her understanding and perception just blows me away. Sometimes I forget how young she is, because she's so incredibly bright. She picks up on the smallest things and she remembers things after only seeing or hearing them once. Now, if only we can get the potty training thing done!
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