I am not sure if I mentioned my great need for change during this pregnancy. There is this overwhelming sense of urgency to change my life, myself, and my surroundings. I don't remember experiencing this when I was pregnant the first time. I wonder if part of it is because this pregnancy was a 'surprise' and the lack of control over the whole situation is driving my inner control freak insane. There seem to be a few key issues I'm facing.
For one, life just feels cluttered. Both in a physical sense and in an emotional and mental sense. I really want to streamline the amount of stuff we have and I want to set more time aside to be free from electronic distractions. Life seems so fast and heavy. You have so much stimulus being thrown at you from every angle. Generally, for somebody like me, who requires this kind of scenario to be content, it's great. But, right now it just feels overwhelming. I'm sure the pregnancy hormones aren't helping any. I'm tired of wasting time and energy getting angry at the internet. It's just not worth the effort, when I could be applying that energy toward more useful actions.
My second issue is that I am having the worst time being happy with what I do. After five years, I am really feeling the burn out. I feel stuck in this uncreative, uninspired rut. My feet are dragging and my heart isn't in it. Again, a lot of this feeling has come on while I've been pregnant so I think the issues I've had (emotionally AND physically) with the pregnancy are affecting my mindset toward my career (and my 'art' if you will). I'm hoping that post-baby, I can do some things to get my fires burning again. It seems I've lost myself somewhere along the way, as cliche as that sounds.
It's been so interesting that reading about gifted children has really caused me to re-evaluate myself. I'm seeing myself in ways I never could before. I'm just ready to shake things up and keep my spark alive. There is no settling.
No comments:
Post a Comment